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Guest studentsagger

Monogamy and Gay Guys

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Guest studentsagger

I used to hate that people would always say that gay guys cannot have a long lasting monogamous relationship however recently I am coming to the idea that for many (not all) gay guys this is in fact true. I was recently cheated on and since then talking to other people they have either cheated or been cheated on or done things with someone who has another partner (which I am guilty of). Is this just a fact of the gay community? Sometimes I feel younger guys feel that they shouldn't be in a relationship these days, especially with apps such as Grindr which have ended up promoting casual sex and NSA fun. The app certainly wasn't designed to be like that but the gay community has turned it into that.

I just wondered what everyones thoughts were. I used to hate cheaters (I still kinda do even though I'm a hypocrit) and feel you should always be honest with a guy if you want to sleep with someone else but how do you feel?

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What is the reason to be monogamous? It is just a social construct. Cheating as you put it, has been blown out of proportion to be seen as the worst possible thing to happen in a relationship. I don't believe people are monogamous by nature. In relationships some people to just want to conform to an ideal standard set by ...I dunno, society, the nuclear family unit, soap operas etc... but the reailty is much different. Desiring other people when in a relationship is normal because it is in our nature to seek unfamiliarity in order to challenge ourselves and grow from a new experience. Sex outside of a relationship is no different than trying a new kind of food or visiting a new place, it is connected to our need to not remain stationary in what we know and what we want for ourselves. If we restrict ourselves to monogamy - with the idea that it is against our true nature - all we are doing is creating inner tension, avoidable frustration and re-enforcing a bizarre conformity which should be challenged and scrutinized.

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If you want to sleep with a bunch of different people then don't be in a relationship. You clearly don't care about the other person if you cheat on them if you cared then you wouldn't have cheated. Regardless of if you're gay or not cheating is cheating. End the relationship first because I doubt anyone would be okay with the person you care about having sex with other people. The reason to be monogamous is to show someone you care about them enough that you don't need to **** random people

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Everyone makes valid points but it is worth saying that there are a lot of couples out there who are living in happy monogamous relationships. I have been in one for 10 years and I know plenty of others who are doing the same. Two of my friends have just celebrated 40 years together. Generally we do not go to gay venues or hang out with gay people who are not long term friends. But we are in our thirties and have settled, though, busy lives. In my early 20s life was more like that described by studentsagger. It was fun while it lasted but as time passed I realised I wanted a soul mate. Now I feel so much a part of my boyfriend's family and circle of friends that I cannot imagine wanting to dispense with him or all that comes with him.

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Whatever your views on monogamy/polygamy are, neither is "wrong." However, it needs to be made VERY CLEAR from the beginning whether or not you BOTH expect to be monogamous with each other or if you are both allowed to see other people. If you make it clear you can see multiple people at once, then go for it. However, if you want different things, make a compromise or get out of the relationship.

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Guest studentsagger

I wouldn't consider a relationship where you can sleep with other guys a proper relationship though. I would just consider that friends with benefits. Seems like it depends on your morals and point of view. I feel cheating is a definate no though, even though it seems to be very common. You should have the guts to tell someone if you want to sleep with someone else.

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I feel you should always be honest with a guy if you want to sleep with someone else but how do you feel?

 

There's your answer right there :)

 

Just about everyone likes to have sex and gay guys are no exception. Just be open and honest with everyone and you'll be just fine--you might even get double lucky :wink:

 

I'm gay, and would prefer a long term relationship over any hookup or friend with benefits. That's just me tho x)

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