Admiralolsen 1,091 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Ok, I may be pretty cynical and have a negative view on dating but it sucks the big hairy one and not in a fun way. I have been on the Hinge app for about a month and I have yet to find someone that really stands out to me. I am the kind of guy that is not remotely into penetration sex and yet it seems like the guys on the apps are just wanting to bone and thats it. I want a man that is humble, honest, loving, caring, and wants to be in a relationship that is more than sex. Is it just me that is struggling with this or are my standards just to high and I should settle for less than my standards? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaggersRhot 1,589 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 No. I have the same problem on a few apps I was using to. Everyone just want sex but not a relationship. I know how frustrated you feel. I actually started thinking that maybe I should just forget about finding a guy and just stay single and lonely. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaggerMatt 5,146 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Maybe try something other than electronically. I know it's harder, but then again, maybe it's not. At least you can feel comfortable more, I think. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrew_Smiley94 1,079 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Yeah, I hear what you’re saying about guys on certain apps… I was using kik the last few years, just to look at random pics/videos of people sagging or other stuff… but then while I was in one of the group, one random person just joined, pmed me 1 on 1 in kik from one of his random pick in the group chat and left the group… I was like uhhh ok, but then figured what he wanted… so after lil chat and so forth, he did say that he wanted to meet up for sex or something fun, along with asking for money to fix his phone (which I think is false, but is greedy lol)… I told him that it’s hard to meet up with my family at home, plus it was during pandemic, and I can’t drive, etc. So I told him only when I’m alone, it would happen… but it didn’t happen, cause it’s rare for me to be home alone at that time, and mom was prying on my phone while I was in bed… and told me to delete the kik app. So, with that, I never attempted to find anyone on the dating app or kik for that matter. So, if you really want to find someone, just find him in real life, or stay single lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DeusBex 350 Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Hinge is a pretty bad dating app in general. Try Bumble, Tinder, or something better. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SportyKinkster 48 Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 Datings sites and apps across the board are bad these days unless you're really good looking or hot (but even then it hard in different ways) Straight people seem to have an easier time but it's still even hard for them. Throw in a sagging fetish, needing mutual attraction and all kinds of other kinks and fetishes and the dating pool shrinks drastically for gay and bi guys to the point where it seems there's only a handful of compatible guys even in large cities like London, NYC, etc... "Seems" being the key word though I relate to this and also struggle with standards for gay kinkster vs more vanilla guys. Recon and Fetlife used to be decent but seem to be not as active since 2020. But all that said, giving up will ensure you will be forever alone. I found my first boyfriend when I wasn't really looking and had moved to NYC making friends. We met through a mutual friend I made a few months after arriving, started hanging out together and the rest was history. I look at Jace's pics and other kinksters who found their boyfriend for inspiration when I think of throwing in the towel. Your guy(s) is out there looking for you. Sometimes they're in another country as I found once. You have to cast a wide net as possible. Meet them halfway in real life. Start meeting people and if there are gay clubs, meetups or orgs in your area go to them. Work on building up your confidence, social skills, suspending your expectations of immediately finding a boyfriend (this gives off desperation which attracts the wrong kind of guys) etc... It's difficult but not impossible. Even though it's weird to compare dating is like job hunting. You have to keep trying and adjust your approach when needed. Or not since sometimes rejection isn't about you. All in all just put yourself out there and you'll eventually find them. Currently single again and still searching so take this with a grain of salt but I hope that helps somewhat. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaggerMatt 5,146 Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 All you said makes sense. Just don't try too hard. But, I'm also single. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emohotboy 963 Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 Exactly 💯 me too I am single looking for a really hot sagger just for me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaggerMatt 5,146 Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 Yeah, when you're looking, put your moves on. Your moves are good! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Admiralolsen 1,091 Posted May 21 Author Share Posted May 21 Love the advice guys. To add more of this issue, I could use some more advice. I have began to admit to not being interested in any form of penetration sex. I have watched, as we all probably have, po*n and I find straight and gay sexual penetration a major turn off. I am totally open to other forms of intimacy (blowjobs, handjobs,etc.) Am I weird because I don’t like penetration sex? I know that that can be a major problem for a relationship but I don’t really want to lower my standards. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StarsOnBlack 205 Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 47 minutes ago, Admiralolsen said: Love the advice guys. To add more of this issue, I could use some more advice. I have began to admit to not being interested in any form of penetration sex. I have watched, as we all probably have, po*n and I find straight and gay sexual penetration a major turn off. I am totally open to other forms of intimacy (blowjobs, handjobs,etc.) Am I weird because I don’t like penetration sex? I know that that can be a major problem for a relationship but I don’t really want to lower my standards. I mean, it's weird as in "statistically unusual", sure, most guys enjoy being on at least one end of penetrative sex or both. But there's certainly nothing at all wrong with not liking penetrative sex, or any other form of sex, or even all forms of sex. To some extent it's going to be a practical problem finding guys who're okay with that, but I don't think anybody's really exempt from that particular problem. Tops are generally limited to dating bottoms and vice versa. Vers guys who aren't happy being 100% one or the other are generally limited to dating other vers guys. Asexual gay guys are limited to guys who're fine with very limited sex at all or an open relationship. Poly guys are limited to other poly guys unless they can also be happy in a monogamous relationship, monogamous guys are generally limited to other monogamous guys unless they meet a poly guy who can be happy in a monogamous relationship... There's the problem of whether you both want kids or not... Everybody has things they need, things they enjoy but could do without, and things they won't do at all, and that's simply one of the logistical problems of dating you can't really get around except by 1) being up front about your needs and 2) putting yourself out there and meeting a large enough number of guys that you manage to find some you're compatible with. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
danmart 1,024 Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 4 hours ago, Admiralolsen said: Love the advice guys. To add more of this issue, I could use some more advice. I have began to admit to not being interested in any form of penetration sex. I have watched, as we all probably have, po*n and I find straight and gay sexual penetration a major turn off. I am totally open to other forms of intimacy (blowjobs, handjobs,etc.) Am I weird because I don’t like penetration sex? I know that that can be a major problem for a relationship but I don’t really want to lower my standards. Maybe what you're really thinking is that you don't want to be that intimate with someone you've only just met. You want time to get to know someone - then maybe you might be able to let go more. It sounds to me that you are looking in the wrong places - apps that are designed to encourage hook ups which in turn encourages guys to advertise themselves in a certain way. There are actually loads of people around you who won't have had sex for some time or will have only had some form of limited intimacy - even those in couples. But no one ever likes to admit it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaggerMatt 5,146 Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 7 hours ago, Admiralolsen said: Love the advice guys. To add more of this issue, I could use some more advice. I have began to admit to not being interested in any form of penetration sex. I have watched, as we all probably have, po*n and I find straight and gay sexual penetration a major turn off. I am totally open to other forms of intimacy (blowjobs, handjobs,etc.) Am I weird because I don’t like penetration sex? I know that that can be a major problem for a relationship but I don’t really want to lower my standards. I wouldn't worry, really. You like what you like. But, if finding what you like is miserable, it's definitely not on you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TMS 267 Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 Hello Really having a strong oppinion about these things, so I wanna add something myself. First of all: Thanks for actually opening up. Fears about sexuality might be obe of the most intimate things a person can tell. So, thanks for being honest. Personally, I had some similar questions about my sexuality. While being in a relationship with my now exboyfriend, the following thing happened. I thought him to be quiet attractive and was exclusively jerking of to pictures of him. It was really amazing. Buuut, on the other hand, in case we actually had sex, I struggled to stay hard. My thoughts were also drifting. Thinking about maths instead of focusing on him. This was a huge deal for me. WTF is happening? The solution was... kinda simple, I guess. I just did not feel well around him. Being able to jerk off to his pictures was amazing, but we had some major things between the 2 of us, just making it nearly impossible to just enjoy quality time. This actually entered my mind way too late, as the relationship was over at that point. The takeaway? Just check if you really feel well and things might be easier. Sex is all about feelings and not erections or orgasms, in my point of view. Also, you mentioned not being into penetration sex (I actually love that word). In my oppinion, what really gives you pleasure, these are things you think about while jerking off. So, just watch your jerk-off-phantasies (at best, while watching no po*n). No penetration sex involved? Maybe you really are not into that kind of stuff. Same goes for me, I guess. What makes me horny, is the feeling of being close to someone. Aaaand, also jeans and boxershorts (one reason for me to be here). All in all: When it comes to sex, in case you feel good, it is okay (just do not firce someone). Just listen to your feelings 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TMS 267 Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 Just forgot about standards: Just question your standards. Do they really get you the things you want off of a relationship? Once I actually had a standard for just dating guys knowing the exact definition of a black hole. Nonsense. I just wanted my partner to actually be able to understand my thoughts and feelings. Aaaand, getting to understand black holes might be more difficult than that. So it was... waaaay too much, I ditched that standard. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Atlantica 1,254 Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 I've never used any of the dating or hook-up apps. I found that if I was just being me in my online content, guys chatted with me. Then eventually, I found one guy that just gels with me. Then we just play it by here. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaggerMatt 5,146 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 That's a good advice. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
waxxfan 1 Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 On 5/21/2023 at 5:08 AM, Admiralolsen said: Love the advice guys. To add more of this issue, I could use some more advice. I have began to admit to not being interested in any form of penetration sex. I have watched, as we all probably have, po*n and I find straight and gay sexual penetration a major turn off. I am totally open to other forms of intimacy (blowjobs, handjobs,etc.) Am I weird because I don’t like penetration sex? I know that that can be a major problem for a relationship but I don’t really want to lower my standards. Absolutely normal and ok to not be into penetrative sex. Google 'gay side' and there are a variety of articles. Side: describes someone who does not practice anal sex and therefore does not define himself as top, bottom or versatile. According to Urban Dictionary, a side is "a homosexual male who does not enjoy anal penetration (giving or receiving), but will engage in other forms of same sex activity (fellatio, frottage, mutual masturbation, etc)." https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/jun/20/rise-of-the-sides-how-grindr-finally-recognized-gay-men-who-arent-tops-or-bottoms Hope this helps. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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