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Asexual with a sexual fetish


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Does anyone consider themselves to be asexual - lacking sexual attraction for other people, or having low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity with people?  Maybe feel a romantic attraction towards people, but not a sexual attraction?  But also have a sexual fetish for underwear -  so this has the sexual attraction? 

So other people - male or female - just don't do it for you, but underwear does?

If so, is this after trying sexual relationships?  Have you always felt this way?  Do you think it's from birth or from childhood experiences - nature or nurture?  Are you open about it or hiding it?

They reckon 1% or people are asexual - really interested to hear anyones thoughts and experiences.

 

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Interesting topic. Well, I wouldn't say I'm asexual because I'm gay and ONLY interested sexually in guys but when I'm together with a guy I don't really enjoy it. I like to su*ck the guy and cuddle, kiss and play but when he is doing it to me I don't get hard from it. I have never been attracted to girls and have never been with a girl. I love watching gay po*n and I like to je*rk off to it and I like to be with guys but don't get ha*rd when he is suc*king me off. Not sure exactly why that is though.

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  • 1 year later...

Hi,

i have physical attraction for boys and girl  (more boys  than girls) but rarely i think to do sex with some one. I love seeing sagging and jerking off. Often  prefere to see a boy in underwear than a naked boys

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These are very interesting topics.  If you are attracted, but get no sexual pleasure nor arousal, I think it could be called asexual at your pleasure/liking.  I'd say it's up to you.  It's not really going to affect the sexual community, so why I say you get this choice when thinking of interacting with others.  I guess that could include a fetish upon which you act.  Hope that helps, I don't think this is a clear subject, but keep up!  It's important to enjoy what you like.

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Hey! This is actually a topic I can contribute to.

So I consider myself asexual and I want to throw out some definitions before I get to the basis of things.

Asexual = Lacking sexual attraction to people

Libido = Act of masturbating/sex

I am asexual. When I see a guy/girl I don't think "man i'd like to F**** them" or similar thought. I am not sexually attracted to them. I can see beauty (aesthetic attraction), want to date (romantic attraction), want to hug/kiss/ touch (sensual - not sexual) etc. Libido is a very different concept. Libido is the actual act of sexual stimulus. I (specifically during covid) have been masturbating like 3 times a day to my fetishes. That is more libido and fetish. I am less looking at the person and more looking at the object of my desire (the fetish). So while I can appreciate a good looking guy, a guy who is sagging could get me off because of the act that the person is doing rather than who the person is. Could I have sex every single day for the rest of my life and still be Asexual? Absolutely - because having sex is libido versus being sexually attracted to them.

So to answer your questions:

Seeing a guy or girl doesn't get me hard but seeing them perform a fetish of mine does. I am more interested in the fetish part than the person (though I can aesthetically prefer one person over another and be more into someone I aesthetically prefer.) I am also saying fetish because it doesnt necessarily have to be underwear, just whatever I am into (and I am into more than just sagging/underwear).

I've never been in a relationship let alone a sexual relationship so definitely didn't think I was ace due to one.

Always feeling this way is a bit complicated. I personally feel it is the opposite - people are born straight/gay/bi/etc. but it doesn't show until later in life. As being ace, i would say I just never got sexual attraction (like I wouldn't say a 3 year old has sexual attraction because they are 3, they haven't developed nearly enough) but that is more my opinion. Either way I would say since I never really had sexual attraction like I saw others have, I guess I always felt this way.

I believe it is from birth. I grew up in a pretty heteronormative society and introduced to homosexual influences but ace is very... uncommon and not really talked about. I found most of my information through research myself so I wouldn't say this is something that happened because of society.

In terms about open/hiding, I would say if people ask, I will tell them, but I am not walking up to strangers saying hi I am asexual. It is my business so if someone asks or it is brought up into conversation, then I can volunteer the information.

This is all my opinion/based off of my experiences so it may not be the same to other asexual people but I hope it does give you a bit of what you were looking for!

 

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So, you can be sexually aroused by fetishes enough to perform sex acts, but you have no sexual attraction.  I think there must be sexual attraction to have arousal.  I would check the chemistry on that.  But, I see not being sexually attracted to a fetish.  Sounds like a nuance that I wouldn't partake in if a were a practicing asexual.  Peace, and interesting subject.

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well like I said, the difference is between mental attraction and hormones. I can get horny but watching po*n doesn't turn me on like it would other people. I have no sexual attraction or lust in that sense. Fetishes are different in that I'm not sexually attracted to people but I have a way to activate my libido. Asexuality is not the same as being a virgin or being sex-repulsed. They often intermingle but they are different and people may not fall into one bucket or the other (such as there may be straight/gay/bi/etc. people who just don't like sex/have issues getting it up/have low libido).

Also asexuality is a relatively broad term and there are lots of things within asexuality that vary from person to person. Demi-sexual (graysexual) is a form of asexuality where you grow to become sexually aroused by your partner but it isnt initial and you arent sexually aroused by others for example. There are other terms that are under the bucket as well.

Either way, Asexuality doesn't mean the person can't have sex/masturbate/whatever.

Also I disagree with the "must be sexual attraction to have arousal". That implies that any guy who had sex with a woman and had kids are not allowed to call themselves gay later in life/say they were really gay the entire time or if a someone is raped, they were sexually attracted to the rapist (dark subject, I know). I believe that the hormones/physical act and enjoyment is separate from attraction.

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40 minutes ago, DlMiki said:

well like I said, the difference is between mental attraction and hormones. I can get horny but watching po*n doesn't turn me on like it would other people. I have no sexual attraction or lust in that sense. Fetishes are different in that I'm not sexually attracted to people but I have a way to activate my libido. Asexuality is not the same as being a virgin or being sex-repulsed. They often intermingle but they are different and people may not fall into one bucket or the other (such as there may be straight/gay/bi/etc. people who just don't like sex/have issues getting it up/have low libido).

Also asexuality is a relatively broad term and there are lots of things within asexuality that vary from person to person. Demi-sexual (graysexual) is a form of asexuality where you grow to become sexually aroused by your partner but it isnt initial and you arent sexually aroused by others for example. There are other terms that are under the bucket as well.

Either way, Asexuality doesn't mean the person can't have sex/masturbate/whatever.

Also I disagree with the "must be sexual attraction to have arousal". That implies that any guy who had sex with a woman and had kids are not allowed to call themselves gay later in life/say they were really gay the entire time or if a someone is raped, they were sexually attracted to the rapist (dark subject, I know). I believe that the hormones/physical act and enjoyment is separate from attraction.

"I'm not sexually attracted to people but I have a way to activate my libido"

I think this is the part that was nuanced enough, that I would say I would not participate.  If you can activate your sexual desires and are not sexually attracted, you automatically draw suspicion and such, because things are not in place/are array.  I thought asexuality would mean that you could not have sex/masturbate/whatever.  It would not be possible.  Again, nuanced enough that I would abstain anyway.

 

Like I said before, I think you would be in the clear regardless of attraction (physical, not sexual) and not a sexual attraction, that would be the pleasure and arousal, that would keep you from performing sexual acts.  That is to be a practicing asexual.

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4 hours ago, SaggerMatt said:

"I'm not sexually attracted to people but I have a way to activate my libido"

I think this is the part that was nuanced enough, that I would say I would not participate.  If you can activate your sexual desires and are not sexually attracted, you automatically draw suspicion and such, because things are not in place/are array.  I thought asexuality would mean that you could not have sex/masturbate/whatever.  It would not be possible.  Again, nuanced enough that I would abstain anyway.

 

Like I said before, I think you would be in the clear regardless of attraction (physical, not sexual) and not a sexual attraction, that would be the pleasure and arousal, that would keep you from performing sexual acts.  That is to be a practicing asexual.

It varies per person honestly. I was just explaining my situation but as I said, asexuality is actually a pretty broad term that encompasses a lot of things.

Some resources I like to use are:

https://asexuality.org/?q=overview.html - Gives a basic overview of asexuality and some examples. it's my typical go-to guide for people to start learning.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-asexual - This is useful also for reviewing it in a different manner and also gives reasoning as to why an asexual person may want to have sex

For me personally, I haven't had sex and I am not interested in having sex at the moment. One day I would like to try it as an experiment/experience but I have no desire for it. I take care of my needs perfectly fine. And i distinguish between attraction to people and attraction to objects/situations (fetish) which is why I see them as completely separate and not a nuance.

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Yeah, what you said sounds more typically like what I think of when I think asexual.  Though, must keep in mind with objects/situations that there is not a no-responsibility situation, and these things have their place in the universe.  Which is why I and the original poster are a little questioning whether it can be really considered as no sex with these objects/situations/things.  Peace!

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This is good.   I think that sexuality and fetishes in a person are continually evolving.   As you experience more you are open to new things that get you off.  Dlmikki,   can you maybe explain to us what things get you hard and get you off?  Pix,  vids,  playtoys?   

I am turned on by saggers and getting wet and muddy in sagging gear with another sagger.  By myself works too and watching vids of past experiences.  Also Making out,  69 with another sagger and ******* a sagger.  

When I see a hot guy on the street,  I will notice,  but not a huge interest in getting busy with him.  Just another hott guy.  Next.   When I see a hot sagger on the street,  I can get aroused.  Want to chill with him and get up close to his sag. 

But if we strip down and are naked.   I am less interested.  Often lose my hard on.

I am focused on the fetish pretty much always during sex.  Once I unfocus from the fetish I start to lose interest.  

 

Would I be asexual ?     

 

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That's interesting, jace, that you like a clothed sagger more than a naked man for sexual interest.  I think it's cool, because sagging is meant to be really handsome.

 

Yeah, I guess that's what they're saying with sagging being called a fetish.  According to them, if you can have sex with it, but it's not an actual person, you're asexual.  I say no and too nuanced.  If you can have sex with a man, sagging and such, you would not have to call yourself asexual.

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Hey y'all,

I am starting to see your point, as fetishes make things very difficult and weird in terms of sexuality. I think a major thing isn't that an asexual person can't get off or can't have sex, but it is more they aren't sex-focused. The goal when being with another person is never to screw them. Physically an asexual person can (potentially) have sex. there is nothing stopping them (aside from potential medical reason). it is more a mentality that it isn't the goal or necessary. 

On the Asexuality.org under Arousal, I think this line explains it the best "Because we don’t have an intrinsic need for sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and if they do have a libido or experience arousal, they do not feel needs are unmet by a lack of sexual activity."

That line isn't saying that someone who is asexual can't have sex, but that they don't feel their needs are hindered by not having sexual activity. Libido is the action. I get off because it feels good, not because I want to have sex with someone and dreaming about it. My fetishes would be a way to meet my own needs. What I consider "po*n" would be people doing fetish activities without sex. That to me is better content because sex itself is a turn-off (libido-wise) even if fetish-related things are involved.

jace, I would say you aren't asexual because one of the goals (it looks like) was sex - 69, ******* a sagger, etc. (Note: Making out is not sexual - it is sensual. sexual relates directly with butt/******/p***s. A hug or cuddling are other examples of sensuals where it isn't sexual by nature but it still can feel nice or good). You incorporate your fetish into the ultimate goal and without the fetish it doesn't do it for you, but ultimately the goal ended up as sex. For me, if I'm with (lets say) another sagger, my goal wouldn't be sex. It may be making out, it may be other things, but it wouldn't be sex. I say this as an over-all statement that it wouldn't be sex with any individual at all, not just for specific people. But again, stressing the point that just because my goal isn't sex, it doesn't mean I can't physically have sex, and it doesn't mean that someone who is asexual is a virgin. Also since this is a sexual orientation and not a choice, asexuals wouldn't be "celibate" since celibacy is typically a choice made by someone to abstain from sex.

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Agreed.  I am not in-depth enough with asexuality to know if they define themselves as no-sex or not (lacking the urge to sex is fine as the reason).  But, I think superficially people think of asexual as no-sex.  I think anything more is too nuanced as I have said so far, and may even raise suspicion in a social situation.

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"On the Asexuality.org under Arousal, I think this line explains it the best "Because we don’t have an intrinsic need for sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and if they do have a libido or experience arousal, they do not feel needs are unmet by a lack of sexual activity."

The definition of sex Is important here.  If you boil it down to strictly the end result being intercourse which I think Aesexuality.org has done,  I can get total pleasure by playing around in baggy sagging gear with another sagger and just jerking off.  Feels nice just making out while we do it,  but I could be just as happy being a voyer while 2 hott saggers played in the mud or shower.   Or watching a vid I made with another sagger and jerking off.

 

 

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9 hours ago, Lee249 said:

I honestly don't believe it really matters if you are attracted to someone or not as long as you are happy. 

Yeah, that's what I feel.  The label is only necessary if you really feel it.

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10 hours ago, jace said:

"On the Asexuality.org under Arousal, I think this line explains it the best "Because we don’t have an intrinsic need for sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and if they do have a libido or experience arousal, they do not feel needs are unmet by a lack of sexual activity."

The definition of sex Is important here.  If you boil it down to strictly the end result being intercourse which I think Aesexuality.org has done,  I can get total pleasure by playing around in baggy sagging gear with another sagger and just jerking off.  Feels nice just making out while we do it,  but I could be just as happy being a voyer while 2 hott saggers played in the mud or shower.   Or watching a vid I made with another sagger and jerking off.

 

 

Yeah, I thought flatly they could have very little arousal, hence the need for the label.  Peace!

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Wow, interesting topic! So, I know that @DlMiki is saying that watching p*rn is just a fetish in terms of what you’re watching. So there’s another good question, I know that some people can get excited (h**ny) when you see say a bulge in the underwear.... but then when your c**k popped out and people loses h**niness, whether you saw it in person or off p*rn, would that be considered asexual as well? Even though this person is/can be cool and/or fun to watch.

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I'd say no, and that's what I've been saying.  I'm pretty close to asexual being no sex (that's arousal).  But, some people are saying you can get away with stuff.  I don't see why you would want the label if that's what you're doing.

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On 3/18/2021 at 5:20 PM, Astg94 said:

No, I’m just curious.... if I’ve had known that, I’d never ask this question... I was a little confused, but now I get the point @SaggerMatt. Thanks, and Peace.

Yeah, that's what we've been talking about.  It seems up in the air at this point in the discussion.

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10 hours ago, Lee249 said:

I have been warned against posting anything which is is deemed below the belt.

 

It's nothing really. I occasionally overstep the mark with my outrageous personality.

I sent @TheOther1 an apology message. Will try to keep tongue in cheek in future. No sex discussions 😉

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