Random

I think im bi only because when it comes to women only certain ones tickle my fancy I find my self attracted to guys more than anything I feel as if  I am dealing with more of an emotional roller coaster part of me says bad and the other one says it will be awesome I have alot of really manly tendencies but when I think of being seen with a boyfriend in public it really bothers me I need to not care what people think but where I hang out gays are the butt of every joke made. I have a really bold persona. also the  thought of getting old really bothers me too. I havent thought about this in a long time I usually keep my feelings to my self and for a long time I have just watched from afar and satisfied myself. only because of my crazy high school years that where so much fun. I havent been able to get close to guy to get any kind of anything in a long time. recently I have met some one who is really kind and seems like they want to get close to me. im kind of shy and unable to display any kind of proper feelings in response. I have self image issues. Anyways he seem affectionate and kinda seems like he enjoys being near me and getting the option to have some kind of physical contact (non sexual of course) I dont know how to read the signals. i have a hard exterior and a soft inside but I dont know how to show my emotions. This stuff is tearing me apart inside this guy is really good looking and makes me sad that I dont know how relay my feelings back there have been other non sexual encounters that have seen like he is focused on me but I dont know *sad face* anyone have any advice