DlMiki

Hey y'all,

I am starting to see your point, as fetishes make things very difficult and weird in terms of sexuality. I think a major thing isn't that an asexual person can't get off or can't have sex, but it is more they aren't sex-focused. The goal when being with another person is never to screw them. Physically an asexual person can (potentially) have sex. there is nothing stopping them (aside from potential medical reason). it is more a mentality that it isn't the goal or necessary. 

On the Asexuality.org under Arousal, I think this line explains it the best "Because we don’t have an intrinsic need for sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and if they do have a libido or experience arousal, they do not feel needs are unmet by a lack of sexual activity."

That line isn't saying that someone who is asexual can't have sex, but that they don't feel their needs are hindered by not having sexual activity. Libido is the action. I get off because it feels good, not because I want to have sex with someone and dreaming about it. My fetishes would be a way to meet my own needs. What I consider "po*n" would be people doing fetish activities without sex. That to me is better content because sex itself is a turn-off (libido-wise) even if fetish-related things are involved.

jace, I would say you aren't asexual because one of the goals (it looks like) was sex - 69, ******* a sagger, etc. (Note: Making out is not sexual - it is sensual. sexual relates directly with butt/******/p***s. A hug or cuddling are other examples of sensuals where it isn't sexual by nature but it still can feel nice or good). You incorporate your fetish into the ultimate goal and without the fetish it doesn't do it for you, but ultimately the goal ended up as sex. For me, if I'm with (lets say) another sagger, my goal wouldn't be sex. It may be making out, it may be other things, but it wouldn't be sex. I say this as an over-all statement that it wouldn't be sex with any individual at all, not just for specific people. But again, stressing the point that just because my goal isn't sex, it doesn't mean I can't physically have sex, and it doesn't mean that someone who is asexual is a virgin. Also since this is a sexual orientation and not a choice, asexuals wouldn't be "celibate" since celibacy is typically a choice made by someone to abstain from sex.

4 hours ago, SaggerMatt said:

"I'm not sexually attracted to people but I have a way to activate my libido"

I think this is the part that was nuanced enough, that I would say I would not participate.  If you can activate your sexual desires and are not sexually attracted, you automatically draw suspicion and such, because things are not in place/are array.  I thought asexuality would mean that you could not have sex/masturbate/whatever.  It would not be possible.  Again, nuanced enough that I would abstain anyway.

 

Like I said before, I think you would be in the clear regardless of attraction (physical, not sexual) and not a sexual attraction, that would be the pleasure and arousal, that would keep you from performing sexual acts.  That is to be a practicing asexual.

It varies per person honestly. I was just explaining my situation but as I said, asexuality is actually a pretty broad term that encompasses a lot of things.

Some resources I like to use are:

https://asexuality.org/?q=overview.html - Gives a basic overview of asexuality and some examples. it's my typical go-to guide for people to start learning.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-asexual - This is useful also for reviewing it in a different manner and also gives reasoning as to why an asexual person may want to have sex

For me personally, I haven't had sex and I am not interested in having sex at the moment. One day I would like to try it as an experiment/experience but I have no desire for it. I take care of my needs perfectly fine. And i distinguish between attraction to people and attraction to objects/situations (fetish) which is why I see them as completely separate and not a nuance.

well like I said, the difference is between mental attraction and hormones. I can get horny but watching po*n doesn't turn me on like it would other people. I have no sexual attraction or lust in that sense. Fetishes are different in that I'm not sexually attracted to people but I have a way to activate my libido. Asexuality is not the same as being a virgin or being sex-repulsed. They often intermingle but they are different and people may not fall into one bucket or the other (such as there may be straight/gay/bi/etc. people who just don't like sex/have issues getting it up/have low libido).

Also asexuality is a relatively broad term and there are lots of things within asexuality that vary from person to person. Demi-sexual (graysexual) is a form of asexuality where you grow to become sexually aroused by your partner but it isnt initial and you arent sexually aroused by others for example. There are other terms that are under the bucket as well.

Either way, Asexuality doesn't mean the person can't have sex/masturbate/whatever.

Also I disagree with the "must be sexual attraction to have arousal". That implies that any guy who had sex with a woman and had kids are not allowed to call themselves gay later in life/say they were really gay the entire time or if a someone is raped, they were sexually attracted to the rapist (dark subject, I know). I believe that the hormones/physical act and enjoyment is separate from attraction.

Hey! This is actually a topic I can contribute to.

So I consider myself asexual and I want to throw out some definitions before I get to the basis of things.

Asexual = Lacking sexual attraction to people

Libido = Act of masturbating/sex

I am asexual. When I see a guy/girl I don't think "man i'd like to F**** them" or similar thought. I am not sexually attracted to them. I can see beauty (aesthetic attraction), want to date (romantic attraction), want to hug/kiss/ touch (sensual - not sexual) etc. Libido is a very different concept. Libido is the actual act of sexual stimulus. I (specifically during covid) have been masturbating like 3 times a day to my fetishes. That is more libido and fetish. I am less looking at the person and more looking at the object of my desire (the fetish). So while I can appreciate a good looking guy, a guy who is sagging could get me off because of the act that the person is doing rather than who the person is. Could I have sex every single day for the rest of my life and still be Asexual? Absolutely - because having sex is libido versus being sexually attracted to them.

So to answer your questions:

Seeing a guy or girl doesn't get me hard but seeing them perform a fetish of mine does. I am more interested in the fetish part than the person (though I can aesthetically prefer one person over another and be more into someone I aesthetically prefer.) I am also saying fetish because it doesnt necessarily have to be underwear, just whatever I am into (and I am into more than just sagging/underwear).

I've never been in a relationship let alone a sexual relationship so definitely didn't think I was ace due to one.

Always feeling this way is a bit complicated. I personally feel it is the opposite - people are born straight/gay/bi/etc. but it doesn't show until later in life. As being ace, i would say I just never got sexual attraction (like I wouldn't say a 3 year old has sexual attraction because they are 3, they haven't developed nearly enough) but that is more my opinion. Either way I would say since I never really had sexual attraction like I saw others have, I guess I always felt this way.

I believe it is from birth. I grew up in a pretty heteronormative society and introduced to homosexual influences but ace is very... uncommon and not really talked about. I found most of my information through research myself so I wouldn't say this is something that happened because of society.

In terms about open/hiding, I would say if people ask, I will tell them, but I am not walking up to strangers saying hi I am asexual. It is my business so if someone asks or it is brought up into conversation, then I can volunteer the information.

This is all my opinion/based off of my experiences so it may not be the same to other asexual people but I hope it does give you a bit of what you were looking for!